After the honeymoon
When education ends, where do people with complex disabilities find their home?
When education finishes, where do young disabled adults with complex needs find their home and a fulfilling life? One couple from Surrey have, with council backing, set-up a residential care home where disabled people own their own accommodation and enjoy stimulating pastimes. We speak to Sally Lawrence, founder of the home, Linden Farm, and Sarah London, a mum who has just submitted the paperwork to try and set one up for her son and others to live in.
Samantha Renke joins Nikki Fox to discuss the latest in TV culture: A new dating show hits Netflix for people with Down's syndrome. Snow White's new diverse companions, as one newspaper puts it, are no longer dwarfs. And Hugh Grant, definitely not someone with dwarfism, is now an Oompa-Loompa.
And TikTok star Fats Timbo is a celebrity captain in the Superhero Series, a para-sports event. She joins us to tell us more about it, and about her new empowered world as an influencer where she turns frustrating disability moments into video skits.
Recorded and mixed by Dave O'Neill, Produced by Beth Rose, Keiligh Baker and Rebecca Grisedale-Sherry. The researcher was Efe Imoyin-Omene. The editor is Damon Rose.
Email: accessall@bbc.co.uk and Google us for the latest transcripts, find us on 91福利社 Sounds (on Alexa too), and 5 live early on Monday mornings.
Nikki Fox is the 91福利社's disability correspondent who can also be seen on The One Show.
Transcript
NIKKI- Oh Sam, it鈥檚 so nice to have you here today.
SAM- It is my absolute pleasure my darling.聽
NIKKI- You are stepping in for Emma Tracey today, for one week only.聽
SAM- Can I just say [singing] for one night only. I feel like I鈥檓 doing my military duty.
NIKKI- Now, last week you obviously weren鈥檛 here, it was Emma, okay. And we chatted about ablesplaining, right, a term I鈥檇 never heard before.聽
SAM- It sounds very similar to mansplaining. Am I on the same鈥�?
NIKKI- You鈥檙e on the right track.聽
SAM- There we go.聽
NIKKI- Renke, you鈥檙e on the right track.聽
SAM- I鈥檓 not just a pretty face.聽
NIKKI- Have you ever been ablesplained?
SAM- Most likely yes I have. I think for me having brittle bones I think a lot of people like to tell me what I should be eating in terms of dietary requirements to make my bones stronger. I鈥檝e spoken about this in the past, people go, 鈥榃hy don鈥檛 you just have a Babybel, eat a Babybel and you鈥檒l be up off your feet鈥�.
NIKKI- Eat a Babybel!
SAM- Yeah, I do get quite a lot of that. But recently I鈥檝e been talking about my mental health quite a lot, and although I love people sharing their own journeys and I think it鈥檚 really empowering that we鈥檙e so open about anxiety, depression and so forth, but I do get quite a lot of people pushing a lot of holistic do this, and take this supplement, have you tried meditating. And it鈥檚 all coming from a lovely place, I guess. But part of me is like oh just shut up, let me wallow in my self-pity, let me just eat copious amounts of chocolate and not wash my hair for a week, and then maybe, just maybe, I鈥檒l do a bit of yoga.
NIKKI- [Laughs]
MUSIC- Theme music.
NIKKI- This is Access All, the disability and mental health podcast you never knew you needed. I鈥檓 Nikki Fox and I鈥檓 in London.聽
SAM- And I鈥檓 Samantha Renke, broadcaster and just fabulous human being. I am also in London, here with Nikki for the first chunk of today鈥檚 programme to look over some of the recent disability media news.
NIKKI- I鈥檓 so looking forward to it.聽
SAM- Me too.
NIKKI- I am. Now, we have got a very important story actually about a family who have created a supported home for young people with complex needs. That鈥檚 coming up shortly. Plus an interview with TikTok legend, Fats Timbo. We鈥檙e on 91福利社 Sounds and any other podcast provider that you choose to use. We鈥檙e Access All. Like us, please subscribe to us, that would be nice, because then we鈥檙e going to land on your device every week.聽
Now, we鈥檙e going to talk today about all the TV and film news that has something to do with disability.
SAM- Something thereabouts.
NIKKI- First show 鈥� now I like the look of this one because I鈥檝e been watching the trailer 鈥� Down for Love it鈥檚 called. It follows a group of people with Downs Syndrome as they search for love.
[Clip]
NARRATOR- We all want love, companionship and affection, to love and be loved.
FEMALE- Will you be my boyfriend?
NARRATOR- But finding that special person isn鈥檛 always easy.
MALE- Tip of the day, set your duo as a princess.
NARRATOR- This series follows New Zealanders living with Downs Syndrome as they go on a series of dates.
MALE- I have some butterflies in my stomach right now.
[End of clip]
NIKKI- So, what do you think about Down for Love, these kinds of dating shows?
SAM- I mean, the rather patronising voiceover has already niggled me a little bit. It is very similar, verging on The Undateables.
NIKKI- Yeah, what did you think about that?
SAM- True story:
NIKKI- Go on.聽
SAM- I didn鈥檛 like The Undateables. When it first came into creation that was when I first moved to London and I was doing things for Bafta and being really swanky and getting right in there in terms of representation. And I flagged this, I was one of the first people to flag it. But of course the ables took over and they were like, no, no, silly disabled person you don鈥檛 know what you鈥檙e talking about.
NIKKI- You have no idea [laughs].聽
SAM- It鈥檚 going to be fabulous. So, I kind of wound my neck in a little bit. However, a few years later on Twitter, and normally I鈥檓 not passive aggressive on Twitter, but I did comment going, 鈥楢nd that patronising voiceover on Undateables鈥� and of course it was Sally Phillips, who is a dear friend of mine. And Sally reached out to me, she was mortified because she was like, 鈥極h my goodness, do I sound patronising?鈥�
NIKKI- Oh no!
SAM- And we cleared the air and we had a really meaningful conversation about The Undateables. And obviously she has a son with Downs Syndrome, and she said as a parent what that show does or did for many parents of children, particularly with intellectual or learning disabilities, is it kind of gave parents a bit of hope or clarity to know that their children will find love. And I totally appreciated that. However 鈥� you know what I鈥檓 going to say 鈥� I just hate how we still think that society is in a position to watch something like this not with an abled gaze and go this is beautiful, we are all humans, and so on and so forth. Unfortunately a lot of these shows still feel incredibly voyeuristic for me. And I don鈥檛 know, I鈥檓 worried about the narrative that will play out from something like this. And maybe they have, maybe we have progressed, maybe we have moved on, maybe we have been more inclusive when we are creating these shows. I don鈥檛 know, it still feels a little bit uneasy with me.聽
NIKKI- I鈥檓 going to play devil鈥檚 advocate, right?聽
SAM- Ooh.
NIKKI- Because once upon a time when I had my behind the scenes career working in telly I worked on a programme called How to Look Good Naked. And we always wanted to find disabled people to take part in the main show, but we never got anyone, despite trying. So, that鈥檚 why we had to come up with a How to Look Good Naked鈥ith a difference because it was the only way we could advertise specifically for disabled people. A lot didn鈥檛 feel comfortable applying to be on the show as part of the main series. But when we put it out there that it was a series in itself they did. So, I wonder that with dating shows whether the guys that would like to go on a dating show that might have a learning disability or Downs Syndrome or whatever maybe they don鈥檛 want to go on a Love Island or a鈥�
SAM- It鈥檚 a double-edged sword, isn鈥檛 it?
NIKKI- Yeah.
SAM- Because from an onlooker I think I actually was quite negative about the show because I was like, why does it have to be separate. And it鈥檚 so interesting hearing what you鈥檝e just said.聽
NIKKI- Going back to The Undateables we鈥檝e got Fats Timbo on the show later on. It was an interview that Emma and I did before she went off on her holiday. And she went on The Undateables and actually had quite a positive experience.聽
SAM- Absolutely. But doesn鈥檛 that just represent disability and the fact that we鈥檙e not a monolith and we are multi-faceted, and our experiences will differ? And I think that is the beauty of our community.聽
NIKKI- Yeah. And of course, Sam, there鈥檚 been quite a reaction to the news 鈥� I don鈥檛 know if you鈥檝e seen this 鈥� that Hugh Grant will be playing the role of the Oompa-Loompa in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film, officially called Wonka.
[Clip]
MALE- You鈥檙e the funny little man who鈥檚 been following me.聽
HUGH- I will have you know that I am a perfectly respectable size for an Oompa-Loompa.
MALE- A what now?
HUGH- Allow me to refresh your memory.聽
MALE- Oh, I don鈥檛 think I want to hear that.聽
HUGH- Too late.
[End of clip]
NIKKI- Now, several actors with dwarfism have come out and criticised the filmmakers for giving the role to Hugh Grant, and say the role should have been given to an actor with dwarfism. We hear this time and time again, don鈥檛 we? Because the are so few parts for actors who are below average height. What do you think about this?聽
SAM- I actually saw the trailer when I was watching Barbie, and immediately I thought oh, that鈥檚 an unusual choice. However, it did dawn on me, and it鈥檚 difficult to describe if you鈥檝e not seen it, the character was Tinkerbell size, so even smaller than what we would recognise in the original kind of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Oompa-Loompa who would be short statured people like myself. So, they kind of like shrunk him even more to like a tiny, tiny, tiny size. And I feel like that鈥檚 probably how they鈥檙e going to potentially get around this conundrum going, well no, no because he鈥檚 like Tinkerbell size and no one鈥檚 Tinkerbell size in real life.
NIKKI- Well, Peter Dinklage, he鈥檚 one of the most famous actors with dwarfism, obviously been in Game of Thrones and he鈥檚 done many other things, he was an elf, wasn鈥檛 he, he鈥檚 recently spoken out about yet another upcoming remake. This time it鈥檚 a live action version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and that鈥檚 coming from Disney. Now, it鈥檚 being filmed at the moment and the Game of Thrones actor has called it out, basically calling it an f鈥檌ng backwards story.聽
SAM- But all Disney films are all a little bit damsel in distress, come and rescue me, evil stepmother. Why can鈥檛 it be an evil stepfather, you know? So, I think there are many layers that we could unpick.聽
NIKKI- Well, Disney announced that magical creatures apparently are going to replace the seven dwarfs to avoid reinforcing stereotypes. New photos from behind the scenes have emerged which appear to show only one of the seven companions actually having dwarfism. The rest are of average height, Sam Renke. I guess the main point with all of this from loads of people that I speak to, either wannabe actors or experts in the field, just there aren鈥檛 enough roles for people who are disabled.聽
SAM- Yeah, and that鈥檚 the point, isn鈥檛 it?
NIKKI- And that鈥檚 the point.聽
SAM- It鈥檚 whether you want to go for a role that is steeped in harmful stereotypes is irrelevant really. We should be creating more roles.聽
NIKKI- Yeah. So, what do you make of the decision to remove dwarfs from Snow White?
SAM- It鈥檚 a tricky one, isn鈥檛 it, because I don鈥檛 feel like I am a person who has had roles, opportunities because of my stature, because I鈥檓 still a wheelchair user. So, that鈥檚 like a whole different ballgame. And when I heard the argument for let鈥檚 not change on stage the parts for people with dwarfism I was a bit like, why don鈥檛 you want to fight for different roles and more roles and be Snow White instead of鈥�? And then when I heard the argument that this is regular employment, this is gainful employment, we need to survive on that, the disability price tag is astronomical.聽
NIKKI- Phenomenal.聽
SAM- Given the climate that we鈥檙e in. So, I see it from both sides. But I also understand why they鈥檝e done it. And maybe we need to change the narrative. Maybe we need to shape it, change it up a bit.聽
NIKKI- You鈥檙e amazing, Sam. Thank you so much for joining me. It鈥檚 just been an absolute pleasure today.聽
SAM- Thank you for having me, my lovely.聽
NIKKI- And for people who want to hear more, Sam, and I don鈥檛 blame you for it, she鈥檚 got her own podcast, so check her out.
SAM- I do, Motability podcast talking about cars. Whoop whoop!
NIKKI- Now, I鈥檇 love to hear your thoughts on this lovely listeners, so do get in touch with us. You can do that in all the usual ways: you could email us accessall@bbc 鈥� I鈥檓 tripping over my words.
SAM- I鈥檓 staring at you.聽
NIKKI- No, it鈥檚 my teeth. I like it. You can do that in all the usual ways: you can email us accessall@bbc.co.uk, or you can tweet us @91福利社AccessAll or send us a send us a WhatsApp message or a voice note 鈥� I love a voice note, Sam and I just voice note all the time.
SAM- A lot.
NIKKI- The number is 0330 123 9480.
A charity started by parents to provide supported living for young adults with complex support care needs has received over 30 requests wanting to set up similar homes. The Simon Trust was created by Sally and Peter Lawrence to build a new home for their son, Simon, who needs round the clock care, when their local council couldn鈥檛 house him in their home county. To cut a long story short, Linden Farm is now established and ten disabled people with complex needs live there. it鈥檚 a supported living environment within a community and with organised activities. The couple are now in touch with five families from around the UK who are submitting their own proposals to do the exact same thing. Now, on the line we鈥檝e got Sally, mother to Simon. Thank you so much for joining us, Sally.
SALLY- You鈥檙e very welcome.聽
NIKKI- Before we talk about the home that you鈥檝e set up let鈥檚 start at the beginning and talk a bit about your son, Simon. Where had he been living before he turned 18?
SALLY- Okay, so Simon is now 30. But putting the clock back, when he was eight he went to a residential school called Priors Court near Newbury in Berkshire. So, that was hard enough to let him go at the age of eight away to school. My heart has been broken many times.聽
NIKKI- Oh no.聽
SALLY- But we couldn鈥檛 manage him at home. He had complex needs and we just couldn鈥檛 manage. It drives many families apart, and we didn鈥檛 want that to happen to us. We wanted to stay strong as a family but we couldn鈥檛 cope with our son and we had to admit that. And then it became a 52-week placement as he grew older when he was about 18. But we were very lucky that when he turned 19 Priors Court was just setting up a young adult provision, so he was able to stay in the end till he was 26, which gave us a few more years to work out what was going to happen.聽
NIKKI- A few more vital years. You need that time, don鈥檛 you?聽
SALLY- We used to say that school was like the honeymoon period for people with severely disabled children, because after that there is nothing. And it was just what do we do. We did not want him to go to Yorkshire or Cornwall, the far ends of the country. We live in Surrey. That was our starting point, we said we live in Surrey, we want Simon back in Surrey near us, we want to be part of his life, he part of ours. In the end we got there, but it was a long battle, a long challenge.聽
NIKKI- So, tell us what you actually did?
SALLY- So, in 2015 we set up our charity. We had been talking to Surrey county Council since Simon was about 15 years old because we thought his placement would end at 19. And they were saying well we can鈥檛 provide, we can鈥檛 provide. We were saying you have to provide. And they were sending us to look at places that were totally inappropriate, homes in the middle of a town that would be noisy, that he鈥檇 have a room with lots of other people who he鈥檇 probably be incompatible with, totally inappropriate placements. So, we said no, no you鈥檝e got to set something up, something unique, something that Simon and several others who were all at Priors Court school needed. They were all from Surrey and they needed something back in Surrey near their families. And so in the end we got Surrey County Council on our side and we proved to them that they would save money by setting something up back in county for the most needy. So, the big key factor for the council is that in supported living home rather than a residential care home, in a supported living home the young person gets housing benefit, which pays for the rent.聽
You asked me a bit about Simon, and just going back to that, he is severely autistic, he鈥檚 non-verbal, he has complex needs, he also has epilepsy. So, he can鈥檛 tell us when things are going right or wrong. But he gets brought home every Sunday at 12 o鈥檆lock and his face tells me everything; he usually has a grin from ear to ear when he鈥檚 pleased to see us, which is lovely. But he also has that grin when he goes back to Linden Farm in the afternoon, we take him back, and he鈥檚 happy to go back. And that for us is very reassuring. It is the same level of care that he would get in a residential care home. In fact it鈥檚 better because he's a tenant so he has the right to be in his own home and he can鈥檛 be evicted, for whatever reason, if something did go wrong.聽
NIKKI- Yeah. But the quality of care that Simon is getting in Linden Farm tell us about that?聽
SALLY- So, Surrey County Council chose the care provider, and they train all their staff in autism, which is a key thing we wanted. Simon is 24/7 one-to-one care. He needs one-to-one because of his epilepsy. And he has two-to-one care when he goes out into the community.聽
NIKKI- Sarah, we spoke to you, didn鈥檛 we, last year. But to give our listeners a recap last year we spoke to Sarah, Sarah London, a mum of three whose Son Harrison had been threatened with eviction from his residential school. Now, Harrison turns 18 next month, and following the Lawrences鈥� model Sarah has just submitted a proposal to her local council to build a home that will give Harrison the quality of life she wants for him as he enters adulthood. Sarah, last time we spoke it was an awful time because your son Harrison was being evicted from his residential school, along with others, and you didn鈥檛 have that long to find him another placement. What happened?聽
SARAH- They conceded in the end and let Harrison stay because we couldn鈥檛 find anywhere else for him to go. Unfortunately though Ofsted then closed them in February, with 24 hours鈥� notice, and Harrison had to leave the home he鈥檇 known of ten years. And he was placed in some temporary adult accommodation, which was not adequate, wasn鈥檛 trained with autism specific staff, they didn鈥檛 have any knowledge of his needs. And he spent the best part of five months trapped in a bedroom.聽
NIKKI- That must have been horrendous for you.聽
SARAH- It was. It was horrific. And he鈥檚 really struggled with this transition, moving from everything he鈥檚 known. He鈥檚 lost all of his education. He鈥檚 lost everyone who he had any kind of relationship with. And was just placed in inadequate care.聽
NIKKI- Where is he now?
SARAH- He has now moved to a permanent placement and is doing well. he鈥檚 been there a month. So, it鈥檚 looking good. But it was our only option.聽
NIKKI- Has all of this had a negative impact on him?聽
SARAH- His mental health really suffered during that period where he wasn鈥檛 getting out and he wasn鈥檛 doing anything, he had no education anymore. So, it鈥檚 definitely affected him, and I don鈥檛 think we will truly know what it鈥檚 done to him because he can鈥檛 tell us.聽
NIKKI- What are you doing? You鈥檝e submitted a proposal to your local authority; are you following the same kind of model?
SARAH- Yes, I am. I鈥檝e submitted a proposal that suggests we use Linden Farm as a blueprint. It鈥檚 tried and tested, it鈥檚 working, it鈥檚 an incredible place; why would we not want to roll that out into other counties so that other individuals can benefit?
NIKKI- And from your perspective what鈥檚 so great about Linden Farm?
SARAH- I think it is the fact that it isn鈥檛 just a housing solution. It鈥檚 a bespoke supported living service where you have an activity centre, and you鈥檙e giving these individuals a purpose and an opportunity to explore things they would enjoy. And also giving them some of that independence that they crave.聽
NIKKI- Sally you鈥檝e persuaded, stop me if I鈥檓 wrong, because it all comes down to finances, you鈥檝e persuaded your local authority to buy that plot of land. You did fund raise as well about 250,000, didn鈥檛 you?聽
SALLY- Yes, a bit more than that. We originally were going to buy the plot of land, but in the end Surrey said, 鈥榃e鈥檒l buy it and we鈥檒l set it up, and you work with us鈥�. And at that point we set up the charity, the Simon Trust.聽
NIKKI- Who paid for the costs of the actual building?聽
SALLY- Surrey County Council. We said we would work with them to provide the facilities that these people so desperately needed, the extra essentials, if you like. So, this is a six-acre site on the edge of a small village. Simon loves cycling, but he鈥檚 not safe on a road because he would suddenly jump off his bike and run across the road at any given point or he could have a seizure. So, in fact our charity the latest thing we鈥檝e done is provide a 400-metre cycle track.聽
NIKKI- Amazing.聽
SALLY- We鈥檝e provided a sensory room, a cookery room, arts and crafts things, we鈥檝e provided all these things.聽
NIKKI- It鈥檚 everything that would enable someone to live and not just exist in the setting, to actually enjoy their life in many, many ways, the extra bits and bobs that you just don鈥檛 get. I mean, for you Sarah, this must sound like the absolute dream. Are you confident you鈥檙e going to be able to follow the Linden Farm model?
SARAH- I appreciate this is going to be quite a battle, and it sounds like the fundraising and everything that Sally and Peter had to do to get them where they are is going to be a challenge. And I really hoped that the local authority would see this as a perfect opportunity for them as well to provide something that is new and that doesn鈥檛 exist in the county. I鈥檓 not afraid to give it a go, and I鈥檝e certainly fought for everything else for Harrison so why should this be any different?聽
SALLY- I was going to say, we were told it would be the best thing you鈥檝e ever done, and I think that鈥檚 so true. It鈥檚 a home for your son鈥檚 life, you hope forever.聽
NIKKI- Thank you so much, Sally. Sarah, we asked Harrison鈥檚 local council, which is Hampshire County Council, about your son鈥檚 situation and what preparations they鈥檙e making for young adults with complex needs. They said, 鈥極ur care teams work extremely hard to support young adults with complex disabilities to access appropriate care and support that not only meets their individual needs but encourages greater independence. The local authority has invested significantly in recent years in supported accommodation for younger adults with learning and physical disabilities. This modern purpose build housing has been designed to support people to live away from home and to receive support with a wide range of living and life skills tailored to individual needs鈥�. Would you like to respond to that Sarah at all?聽
SARAH- It鈥檚 not really relevant to those with really complex needs. Those purpose built modern buildings that they鈥檙e talking about I think they鈥檙e flats, which wouldn鈥檛 be suited to Harrison because, like Sally says, they need space. And what they seem to forget is giving this purpose in life and giving them something to do and fill their time and, like you say, not just exist within four walls. And I think that鈥檚 possibly where things are going wrong.聽
NIKKI- Will you keep us updated, Sarah, with everything and how it goes?
SARAH- I will do, yes.
NIKKI- And Sally, let鈥檚 stay in touch as well because I think it鈥檚 brilliant, and I鈥檇 love to do more with you at some point in the future. It鈥檚 been a real treat having you both on.聽
MUSIC- Access All with Nikki Fox.
NIKKI- Shortly, before Emma disappeared off on her holiday, we sat down with TikToker extraordinaire and author, Fats Timbo. Here鈥檚 the interview: 聽
What does our next guest do, eh? The better question to ask is, what doesn鈥檛 she do? Fats Timbo is a TikTok superstar. I am aware that I read that like I am 100 years old and I鈥檝e only just discovered the platform. But Fats is a superstar. She has almost 3 million followers. 3 million followers! She posts dance and comedy and make-up videos that blend all aspects of her identity as a small person of Sierra Leone descent. She also has been spotlighted by numerous publications like the 91福利社 and British Vogue. On top of all of that she鈥檚 an author. Her memoire was released earlier this year. She鈥檚 also 鈥� I鈥檓 going on Fats here 鈥� she鈥檚 also going to be a celebrity captain as part of the upcoming Superhero series, which is the UK鈥檚 only sports series dedicated to the 14.6 million odd disabled people. We鈥檙e going to come on to that in a moment. But Fats, welcome to the show.
FATS- Thank you so much for having me. Honestly, it鈥檚 a pleasure to be on this show. I love you guys.聽
NIKKI- Ah.
EMMA- Ah.聽
FATS- I love what you guys stand for, and it鈥檚 an absolute pleasure to be able to speak to you guys.聽
NIKKI- Well, Emma, I was not expecting that. I feel like I might start crying.聽
EMMA- Absolutely. Well, shall we praise Fats a bit more even?
NIKKI- Yeah. I鈥檝e spent a long time stalking Fats Timbo, as I do with a lot of guests, but I was getting very addicted to all of your videos. You are so popular on TikTok. For people who haven鈥檛 seen Fats on TikTok I urge you to follow her again. She鈥檒l be at 5 million goodness knows when. But what kinds of things do you do, for people that don鈥檛 know, on the site to make you so popular?聽
FATS- I think it definitely has to do with my appearance, the fact that they鈥檝e probably never seen a dark-skinned black little woman in their life who is dancing her butt off, and who happens to be funny as well. I think it鈥檚 one of those things if I didn鈥檛 look the way I do maybe I wouldn鈥檛 be as popular as I am today. Also it鈥檚 my sense of humour, like taking the mick out of myself, but at the same time make it relatable so you can feel like, oh I feel like that too, but it鈥檚 funny as well, okay. I also talk about disability. If I鈥檝e had a funny scenario, well at the time it probably wasn鈥檛 funny, it was probably annoying. For example when a random woman came up to me and she was like, 鈥楢re you born like that?鈥� And I made a skit out of it taking the mick, and people were like oh my god. They could see the situation for what it is.聽
EMMA- The response that you gave on TikTok turned into your most popular skit, didn鈥檛 it? Tell everybody what you said about what happened.聽
FATS- She came up to me that day, randomly, I鈥檇 just had my eyelashes done, I鈥檓 on my way home.聽
NIKKI- Oh damn.聽
FATS- I wasn鈥檛 thinking about much. And she randomly comes up to me and she says, 鈥楢re you born like that?鈥� and I was like, 鈥榊eah鈥� but in my head I was thinking, no I shrunk in a washing machine. But I didn鈥檛 want to say that. I didn鈥檛 want to be rude.聽
NIKKI- Have a nice day.聽
EMMA- I just love that line about shrinking in the washing machine. It鈥檚 just what are people thinking when they ask such a question?聽
NIKKI- I know. For me I don鈥檛 understand how, especially in groups as well, some people feel really confident in numbers and they feel like they can laugh in your face when you鈥檙e alone. And I think that鈥檚 so horrible. I could never do that to someone and ruin their self-esteem by doing something like that. When that used to happen to me a lot as a child I would just come home crying. But now I feel like I鈥檝e built up that self-esteem to the point where I鈥檓 like you don鈥檛 know the influence I have, and you could turn into a funny skit actually. I just have a different mindset towards it now.聽
NIKKI- But what was it changed, Fats? I鈥檒l let you explain this, but I know from reading all about you that you did have a difficult time growing up, to becoming this sass pants that you are now, what was that process like? Was it an overnight thing?聽
FATS- Definitely not overnight. I think I just got tired of feeling worthless, feeling like the world hates, me, feeling like鈥 just got absolutely tired of feeling so negative. And I think what changed it for me was reading self-help books and seeing if it would actually help. When I read the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne it really changed my mindset to make me think if I have something in my mind I can actually turn it into something that鈥檚 a reality, but in a positive way. And I always knew in my heart of hearts I didn鈥檛 go through this life, all this hard upbringing and life for no reason. I always thought that for some reason, even as a young child, I just thought there鈥檚 a bigger purpose for me. One day I saw an ad asking for little people to join a campaign. I didn鈥檛 hesitate. I just thought okay, let me give it a go, what鈥檚 the worst that can happen. I get there now, it was an underwear shoot. I thought oh no, I just went from zero to 100, how did we do that. I鈥檇 never done modelling before, but I鈥檓 just going to basically strip.聽
NIKKI- Get it off, yeah.聽
FATS- Yeah, that鈥檚 what I did: I got it off. Ever since then, because after I saw the pictures I was like oh, I actually look all right, you鈥檙e actually cute, okay. I put it on Instagram and about 500 followers, friends and family, and it just blew up.聽
NIKKI- You were saying there that the self-help book really did change things for you, or the books that you read, is that why you decided to write a book of your own like that to help other people that felt like you did when you were younger?聽
FATS- Yes, that鈥檚 exactly it. The Main Character, Energy: 10 Commandments to living life fearlessly.聽
NIKKI- Yes, Fats Timbo. And give me a couple of the commandments. Come on, Emma.聽
FATS- A couple of commandments are: let love be your superpower. My family have been the best thing in my life. Honestly, I don鈥檛 know where I would be without them because my dad he used to work in mental health, and having someone like that who understands mental health, who I could cry to, who was basically my at home counsellor. And I鈥檓 forever grateful for that because he was always like a shoulder to cry on, and always encouraging me to be the best I could be. And my mum, let me not discredit my mum. My mum鈥檚 been the best mother ever. So, I encourage people to let the people around them be their support system.聽
NIKKI- You were talking about love there, Fats. You actually, was it your first TV job I don鈥檛 know, but you were on The Undateables, weren鈥檛 you?聽
FATS- Yes, I was.
NIKKI- That Channel 4 programme. What was that like for you as the experience? Because I鈥檝e heard sort of mixed thoughts from people about that show.聽
FATS- I think my experience was good. It was just the approach at first, because as I started to get more popular on Instagram at the time they approached me, and I was thinking I watch the show but I wouldn鈥檛 ever go on it because I know I鈥檓 not undateable. But at the same time I thought about it, because I had declined going on the show at first, and then I thought about it, I thought okay, I could make my TV debut, I could inspire people, I could share my story. I just thought of the bigger picture. I think that鈥檚 what made me want to actually do it. And the experience was fun. The guy me and him obviously we鈥檙e not together. I鈥檓 with my man now.聽
NIKKI- Who are you with now?聽
FATS- It was a good experience. I鈥檓 with Alan, my forever man. We鈥檝e been together nearly four years.聽
NIKKI- Oh, forever man.聽
FATS- Yeah, I鈥檓 hoping so.聽
EMMA- So, you鈥檙e also going to be celebrity captain of the Superhero Series.聽
FATS- Yeah.
EMMA- Can you tell us a bit about what it is about and what you鈥檙e going to do be doing?聽
FATS- The Superhero Series is basically like a triathlon for disabled people. Marvel plays such a special part in the event, encouraging people to dress up as their favourite Marvel characters and to become their own superhero for the day. Growing up as a child, always being last in races, and I couldn鈥檛 compete with my fellow peers because physically I wasn鈥檛 as strong as them or as fast as them, so it made me feel inadequate. But being in a trath鈥riath鈥�
EMMA- Triathlon.聽
FATS- Triathlon [laughter] that was a tongue twister, being a triathlon where everyone is kind of on the same level and everyone has their own disability that they have to overcome is going to make it feel more united for everyone.聽
EMMA- Yes. And you鈥檙e swimming?聽
FATS- Yes, I鈥檓 going to be swimming. I need to get my swimming gear on and get practising. I鈥檓 going on holiday beforehand so I鈥檒l be in the pool 24/7, learning to swim again.聽
NIKKI- When is it all happening?聽
FATS- It鈥檚 12th August.聽
NIKKI- Honestly, Fats, thanks so much for coming. Keep dancing and keep being hilarious, and come back and tell us about your next adventure, because I know that there will be one. Bye darling.聽
FATS- Thanks very much, guys. Later. 聽
NIKKI- I love Fats Timbo. What a woman. Now, we are definitely going to have to have her back on again. But that is the end of the programme for this week. Thank you so much for listening. Over the next couple of weeks the podcasts are going to sound a little bit different, but we have got some amazing interviews, including one with a musician, a singer songwriter called Victoria Canal, who I just adore, and the phenomenal Tommy Jessop from Line of Duty. And just before the bank holiday weekend you can hear our show from the Edinburgh Festival fringe. We鈥檝e not recorded it yet, but I鈥檓 just going to say a massive hello right now to any of you that are coming along. Please do come up to me and Emma and say hello. You can tell us how much you love us if you like, because both of us are incredibly needy. Until next week, goodbye.聽
[Trailer for Ukrainecast]
CLIP- 鈥業 could feel our house shaking.鈥� 鈥楾hat was one of the scariest battles.鈥� 鈥業鈥檓 traumatised.鈥� 鈥業鈥檓 completely destroyed.鈥櫬�
VICTORIA- Hello, I鈥檓 Victoria Derbyshire, one of the hosts of Ukrainecast. We actually put out the first episode of Ukrainecast on the very first day of the war when Russia invaded Ukraine.聽
MALE- This is a European country and it鈥檚 at war. It鈥檚 extraordinary.聽
VICTORIA- So much has happened since then, and all the way through we鈥檝e been trying to tell people鈥檚 stories, what鈥檚 really happening on the ground in Ukraine.聽
CLIP- My elder daughter was lying on the ground. She had been dead.
VICTORIA- And we鈥檒l be here for you, making sense of it all for as long as we need to be.
CLIP- 鈥楶eople were being snatched and disappearing.鈥� 鈥楶eople took to the streets even after the Ukrainian forces had gone.鈥櫬�
VICTORIA- Ukrainecast is made by the same 91福利社 News team that makes this podcast.聽
CLIP- This is it, this is the war of the direst evil against all of humanity.聽
VICTORIA- Listen to Ukrainecast on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Just search for Ukrainecast on 91福利社 Sounds.
Podcast
Get the latest episodes of the Access All podcast the moment a new episode goes live!
Podcast
-
Access All: Disability News and Mental Health
Weekly podcast about mental health, wellbeing and disabled people.