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Can Fergus the magician guess what Nikki is thinking?

BAFTA award winning magician Fergus Flanagan talks to Nikki Fox and Emma Tracey about OCD and how his intrusive thoughts disappear when he performs. And is he able to guess what word Nikki is thinking of? Listen to find out...

Covid hastened the dash towards a cashless society after we were told to use contactless cards to stop germs circulating. It might be a bonus for businesses who no longer have to cash up, but, for some of us, cash and coins make far more sense. We speak to Myf who has learning disabilities, Mencap Cymru director Wayne Crocker, and Natalie Seeney who chaired the Access to Cash Review.

Plus, the city of York is still in the firing line with disabled campaigners and Channel 4 throws a bunch of celebrities into a darkened warehouse to see how they cope blind (Chris McCausland is in there too).

PRODUCERS: George Dabby, Emma Tracey
ASSISTANT EDITOR: Keiligh Baker
EDITOR: Damon Rose

Install the 91福利社 Sounds skill and then say "Alexa, ask the 91福利社 for Access All" Or use your phone to subscribe to us on 91福利社 Sounds or wherever you get your podcasts.
Email accessall@bbc.co.uk to get in touch with Nikki and Emma.
A transcript is available for every edition we publish.

Release date:

Available now

33 minutes

Transcript

NIKKI- I鈥檓 going to that gym that I told you about. So, it鈥檚 that guy that I met when I walked in an exoskeleton for 5 Live years ago, donkeys years ago, he was lovely, called Tom. And he鈥檚 part of this gym now, FIM Healthcare they鈥檙e called, and he set it up just for disabled people. Oh, I鈥檓 probably more excited about this than I鈥檝e been excited about most things.聽

EMMA- Are you excited about the fancy gym gear? Or are you excited about the hot men in the gym? Or are you excited about doing some exercise? Which never excites me very much, but whatever fills your boat.

NIKKI- Well, two things, Em: I really am excited about buying my very first pair of gym leggings and bralette. I鈥檓 really excited. I鈥檓 just going to go on all the online websites and like, what do sporty girls wear and I鈥檓 just going to copy it. I can鈥檛 wait. I鈥檓 going to put my hair in a plait.

EMMA- What about the shoes?

NIKKI- The shoes I can do nothing about. It鈥檚 going to have to be the boots and splints.

EMMA- Okay.

NIKKI- But them鈥檚 the breaks, them鈥檚 the breaks. How do I style my hair? Do I put plaits on my head? What do I do? It can鈥檛 get in the way.聽

EMMA- How do you style your hair? You鈥檙e going to have sweat dripping down.聽

NIKKI- No, get it out the way.

EMMA- Is it more like a hospital gym, so is it more like physio?

NIKKI- No.

EMMA- Or are you actually going to be like, lift more weights! Walk faster! Run, run, come on I know you can do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!?

NIKKI- No, do you know what, he has got the exoskeleton that I walked in. Now, with muscular dystrophy I do get weaker and it does happen quite slowly, but I have these moments in my life where things stop. Like I stopped being able to walk independently into my shower about four years ago. But just these little things that if I do lose it I will lose it forever. And I haven鈥檛 got that much left to lose. Maybe if I can just go once a month or once every two months, stand in an exoskeleton so I鈥檓 not like鈥ow when I stand I feel like I just want to fold into a little z-bed because I鈥檓 always sat down, I鈥檓 always in that seated position and everything gets really tight. So, just standing in an exoskeleton for 20, 30 minutes 鈥� if I can do it; I might not be able to do it, we鈥檒l see 鈥� is going to be a huge thing. It鈥檚 not because I dream of walking again. I鈥檝e said to you this before loads of times, I鈥檇 love to dance and I鈥檇 love to go for a run, and I鈥檇 love me and you to go wild swimming together, but them days have gone. But I do like keeping fit. Because if you sit down all the time that鈥檚 fine, but you can still feel unfit. I can feel better sat down if I鈥檝e done some exercise. Things don鈥檛 hurt as much.聽

MUSIC- Theme music.

NIKKI- Hello, it鈥檚 Nikki Fox in the 91福利社 studios here in London.聽

EMMA- And in Edinburgh it鈥檚 Emma Tracey.

NIKKI- You might have stumbled across Access All by accident. Who knows? We鈥檙e the 91福利社鈥檚 disability and mental health podcast. If you have, thank you. Put your PJs on and stick around.聽

EMMA- Now, let me give you a few key words from this week to kind of whet your appetite, get you listening: magic鈥�

NIKKI- Love it.聽

EMMA- 鈥oney and darkness.

NIKKI- And this is why you need to tell your friends about this podcast, wherever they are in the world they need to go to 91福利社 Sounds, search for Access All and subscribe to us, and then each new addition is just going to drop onto your phone.聽

Emma, do you pay for stuff contactless or do you pay with cold hard cash?

EMMA- I tend to pay with contactless because I find cash has been historically tricky for me. Cash used to be obviously paper; it鈥檚 now plastic. It used to not have markings on it; whereas now it鈥檚 plastic and it has got little markings for five, ten and 20. So, it鈥檚 got a little set of four dots for five, two sets of four dots for ten and three sets of four dots for 20 in the corner. So, I can know which note is which. But I still personally find contactless or chip and PIN easier. Apart from when chip and PIN machines are touchscreen, and then the rage bubbles up in me and I have to get someone else to do my PIN, and I have to tell someone else my PIN, and it makes me very sad. What about you?聽

NIKKI- I hadn鈥檛 thought about that actually. Contactless is good because you鈥檙e not bunging someone a 50 quid by accident.

EMMA- Well, yeah, I鈥檓 not giving people the wrong money, that鈥檚 a real one. And also getting money out of ATM machines used to be really, really scary for me because obviously I didn鈥檛 know if there was someone behind me. I was always worried about the kind of crime aspect of that. What about you, do you pay with contactless or cash?

NIKKI- Well, I try not to carry a lot of money with me because it鈥檚 just easier not have like tons of bags or whatever, so I tend to just pay by card. But I do miss having cash because particularly as well I drive a lot, and you know when you stop at the street you鈥檒l see somebody that鈥檚 potentially homeless or whatever and I always like to give a bit of money. And lately I鈥檝e noticed that I never, ever, ever, ever have any cash on me, ever. So, I鈥檓 going to start getting in the habit of having a little pot of cash.

EMMA- They鈥檙e not making as much money as they used to. They鈥檙e not making as many notes, are they?

NIKKI- No, they鈥檙e not. This week the people who produce banknotes for countries around the world, that鈥檚 De La Rue聽 - De La Rue sounds great, doesn鈥檛 it? 鈥� it said demand for notes is at its lowest level for over 20 years. So, I鈥檓 wondering how close are we to becoming a totally cashless society? And will this leave some of us behind obviously? Because you think about all kinds of disabilities and the differences that we have and the things that we might potentially struggle with, so we鈥檙e going to chat this through. Now, with us today we鈥檝e got Wayne Crocker. Now, Wayne is the director of Mencap Cymru. Now, Mencap supports lots of people who can only use cash. We also have Myf with us who has a learning disability, and is supported today by her mum, Lyn. Also we鈥檝e got on the line with us Natalie Seeney. Now, Natalie chaired the Access to Cash Review which looked at what our cash requirements will be over the next ten to 15 years. So, we鈥檝e got the whole lot on here; we鈥檙e going to have a great old chat.聽

EMMA- The whole gambit.聽

NIKKI- Yeah, I love it. I鈥檓 going to start with you, Natalie, because it does feel like some banks, businesses and even consumers are in a hurry to ditch cash as an option. Why is that?聽

NATALIE- Our use of cash in the UK has gone down dramatically in the last ten years. So, ten years ago about six out of every ten transactions were cash. It鈥檚 now fewer than two out of ten.聽

NIKKI- Wow.聽

NATALIE- I mean, this discussion is showing some of the reasons why. Contactless can be really easy, you don鈥檛 want to carry lots of notes around. Actually a lot of people feel quite vulnerable if they鈥檙e carrying a lot of cash. And for shops often it鈥檚 easier to not have to cash up at night and worry about security overnight. So, you can see why for an awful lot of people digital is very attractive. The problem is it doesn鈥檛 work for everybody.聽

NIKKI- No, it doesn鈥檛. And I was going to come to you, Wayne, because obviously you support people with learning disabilities specifically. Why do some people with learning disabilities struggle?聽

WAYNE- One of the good things about my job is I get to travel around Wales and talk to people with a learning disability, people that we support, people who are in our group networks like Myf. And lots of people are telling us that they were struggling because they were going into places to try and buy things, but because of the way that their financial set-ups work they don鈥檛 have access to debit or credit cards. So, either the banks don鈥檛 believe they have the capacity to manage those sorts of accounts, or actually the financial guardianships that exist mean that those individuals are given ATM cards where they withdraw cash, they may get 拢20, 拢30 every few days, and they withdraw that cash and then they use the cash. And what people were telling us was actually they are really struggling now to find places which accept cash. So, we鈥檝e heard lots of stories of people who have gone into shops attached to rugby teams where they鈥檝e tried to spend their birthday money on buying a new rugby shirt and been told that they can鈥檛 do that; people who have gone into restaurants to buy their mother an evening meal and been turned away because they only have cash.

NIKKI- Oh.

WAYNE- So, we thought this is really unfair. And actually we鈥檙e discovering more and more of these things happening. So, we essentially set up a petition at the Senedd, so there鈥檚 a petitions committee at the Senedd, which is the Welsh parliament, to ask the Welsh government to look at why this is happening. And specifically to look at the organisations that get funding from the Welsh government, because there are lots of organisations like theatre groups and arts venues and sporting venues which will get money from Welsh government, but they鈥檙e excluding people with a learning disability by not allowing them to use cash in their venues.聽

NIKKI- Myf, do you struggle with card?

MYF- Yes, I do. I find you鈥檙e having to go to the cash machine all the time and get balances and things, so I find it鈥檚 easier to use cash.聽

EMMA- And have you had problems with cards in the past? Is that why you now take cash out every week?

MYF- Yes, yes I do. I have a set amount, because with my autism I have a job at budgeting. But my mum has taught me how to budget very well and things, and I鈥檓 a lot better at it now.聽

EMMA- So, you went to an event, didn鈥檛 you, and you didn鈥檛 know that they didn鈥檛 take cash.聽

MYF- No.聽

EMMA- How did you manage? What happened?聽

MYF- What happened was since I had some bottles of water with me on Tuesday, and I went down thinking I could get myself a cup of coffee and a cup of tea midmorning, but they told me it was card only, not cash. But I didn鈥檛 have a bank card on me so I wasn鈥檛 able to get a cup of tea at all, which I felt was a bit unfair.聽

NIKKI- It鈥檚 just a bit rubbish, isn鈥檛 it, Myf鈥�

MYF- Yeah.

NIKKI- 鈥hen you just want to do something like get a cuppa, don鈥檛 you? Natalie, you know when you were looking at our cash needs as a country what were the main things that stood out to you when it comes to people with learning disabilities or just disabled people in general?聽

NATALIE- The big finding was that we mustn鈥檛 rush into a cashless society without thinking about how to look after the 8 million people who really need cash. And if I turn to what Wayne was saying, I鈥檓 delighted you鈥檙e doing what you are doing with the Welsh government, it鈥檚 being, exactly this issue is being debated in parliament at the moment UK wide. And the debate at the moment has focused mostly on people getting cash out of ATMs or getting cash out of banks. There鈥檚 not been enough focus on people鈥檚 ability to spend cash.聽

MYF- Yes.

NATALIE- And too many shops, too many councils are making decisions to stop accepting cash without any understanding of the implications on the most vulnerable in society. I think this comes under the Disability Discrimination Act; if we鈥檙e going to look after vulnerable people they have to be able to access services the way that suits them, and for many people that鈥檚 cash.聽

NIKKI- But then, guys, is cash the only answer or there are any like high-tech fancy-pants solutions?聽

NATALIE- There are technical solutions. The problem is that the 8 million people we鈥檙e talking about are largely not financially very well off and commercially attractive. So, people aren鈥檛 developing the solutions for them. But if I give some examples: if any of your listeners have got kids there are now a multitude of cards, GoHenry is the best known one, where parents can let a child go and spend money on a card but it鈥檚 their bank account and they can keep control and they can see what鈥檚 happening. Now, I鈥檝e been talking to those companies for about four years to say, why don鈥檛 you bring something out for adults, whether it鈥檚 an adult with learning disabilities or, say, someone with dementia, where a carer can allow them a card but keep an element of control. And the answer is there isn鈥檛 any money in it. In China where there鈥檚 low levels of literacy biometrics, you know, we open our phones with our face, biometrics mean that you can pay for a meal by smiling.聽

NIKKI- I love that, I love that.聽

NATALIE- It鈥檚 brilliant. The tech is all out there but they need to make sure it meets the needs of the most vulnerable in society. And at the moment they鈥檙e not commercially attractive enough to everyone, and that鈥檚 the big problem.聽

WAYNE- I think there鈥檚 also an issue around actually the safeguarding. So, people who live in supported living services there are very strict rules around how that person is supported with their money. So, when people have a cash tin and the money is essentially looked at every week, so you make sure, I think reconciled is the word that they use, that the money you say you鈥檝e spent and the receipts you鈥檝e got is what鈥檚 left in the tin. If you go using an account actually that means somebody else has the ability to go into your bank account. And I think that takes away your power as an individual because somebody else basically has your passwords and can go into your bank account. They will need to reconcile every week how much money you鈥檝e spent because these safeguarding authorities will want to check that you鈥檙e not being financially abused.聽

NATALIE- There is tech that could be managed to support that situation. But in the meantime we do need to keep cash alive and viable for people who need it.聽

NIKKI- Until there鈥檚 a better solution.聽

MYF- I find with my mum looking after my card for me I can get out a set amount of money for the week, which I know will last me. But I felt that if I was anywhere else I probably wouldn鈥檛 really get that chance.聽

NIKKI- Thank you so much everyone. That鈥檚 been such an interesting chat. I do think a lot of disabled people would say that they have to trust a lot more, wouldn鈥檛 you say Emma? Whether that be trust in the help from somebody else or trust in giving your card to somebody else.聽

EMMA- Yes, such a weird thing handing over your card with all your money in it.聽

NIKKI- I know. Such an interesting chat, so thank you so much Wayne, thank you Myf, and thank you Natalie.聽

MUSIC- Access All.

NIKKI- Em, we had some really great feedback actually to last week鈥檚 episode; we were talking about how hard it can be for some disabled women to access cervical smear tests.聽

EMMA- I鈥檓 really glad we had feedback because it felt like a really important subject, and it鈥檚 something that we鈥檝e been hearing from disabled women for years and years, so I鈥檓 glad you were able to get in touch with us.聽

NIKKI- Sarah sent us a tweet and said, 鈥業 had to fight for a referral to go to the hospital for my smear test, which has an adaptable chair and bed. I had to wait four years in total due to a pause on referrals due to the pandemic. And my appointment is not until October due to the backlog. It鈥檚 not right or fair at all鈥�. So, Sarah鈥檚 done what I have to do, which is not go for the smear at the local doctors surgery but to try and get one at the hospital because they鈥檝e got the adjustable beds and everything you need to make the smear possible;聽

EMMA- And waiting for four years鈥�

NIKKI- Wow.

EMMA- 鈥eels unsafe.聽

NIKKI- You have to have them every five years, don鈥檛 you? I mean, she鈥檚 going to be so behind.聽

EMMA- Well, a lot of things can happen in your body in four years. Who else has to wait that long for a simple smear test?

NIKKI- Yeah, Sarah, I鈥檓 so sorry. Thank you so much for getting in touch. But do keep us updated as to when you get it. You鈥檝e got it in October so hopefully that goes well. I hope that doesn鈥檛 get changed or moved. But it might be worth you trying to fight for an earlier one, you know.

EMMA- Maybe give them a ring and see if they can fit you in somewhere. If you can bear the additional disability admin.聽

NIKKI- Yeah.聽

EMMA- Alex has been in touch. Hi Alex. Alex says that their wife can鈥檛 leave the house easily and when they lived in the Netherlands in the 鈥�90s they were able to get a district nurse to visit on request, disability or none.聽

NIKKI- That鈥檚 the dream, isn鈥檛 it?聽

EMMA- That鈥檚 what you want, isn鈥檛 it? But I think we established last time that district nurses can鈥檛 actually do smear tests here.聽

NIKKI- Right. And also that is presuming that you鈥檝e got the right set-up at home, which we know a lot of people haven鈥檛 even necessarily got the right set-up at home, have they?

EMMA- It鈥檚 so complicated.聽

NIKKI- It is very complicated.

EMMA- Why is everything so complicated?聽

NIKKI- Why Emma, why?

EMMA- Why?

NIKKI- Okay, let鈥檚 not go there. We鈥檙e going to be keeping across this story so please do get in touch, not just about this obviously but everything, any story, anything you want us to look into. You can email us on accessall@bbc.co.uk, or you can tweet us @91福利社AccessAll, or you can send us a voice note 鈥� I love a voice note 鈥� WhatsApp to 0330 123 9480.

And we鈥檝e got an update on the long-running Blue Badge ban in York. I tell you, Emma, I鈥檝e never had so many external emails about one story as I have the Blue Badge ban.聽

EMMA- Really?

NIKKI- Yeah. So, just to remind everyone, the ban which was introduced by York City Council in November 2021 was put in place so they could install anti-terror bollards to protect people from attacks. But the move was met with fierce opposition from disability activists, and a local campaign group reversed the ban, which received support from the none other than the wonderful York born Dame Judi Dench. Oh, I鈥檇 love to meet Dame Judi Dench. What is the latest on this ban, Emma?

EMMA- Well, a new study which was commissioned by the new campaign group you just mentioned has concluded that the policy is not proportionate to the threat to life from terrorist activity 鈥� that鈥檚 what they said 鈥� and that the rights of disabled people have been given insufficient weight. The report consulted city planners, counter-terrorist experts and many academics; it also said that the council鈥檚 actions depicted disabled people as a hindrance. The council has rejected the report, and in a statement given to Access All this is what they said:聽

QUOTE- In making their decision in November 2021 elected council members considered the comprehensive professional report in respect of counter-terrorism measures for the city centre.聽

聽NIKKI- They also said:

QUOTE- The administration made a decision which it was legally entitled to make and to which no legal challenge has been made within the timeframes allowed.聽

NIKKI- So, basically it鈥檚 still rumbling on, isn鈥檛 it?聽

EMMA- Yup. And according to that story might be 鈥� now, I鈥檓 saying might be 鈥� that there鈥檚 been a new study that鈥檚 looked at the most accessible cities in England. Do you know what the top three are according to that study?

NIKKI- Is York in there anywhere, Emma?

EMMA- No, it鈥檚 Liverpool, Manchester, then Coventry, and York is not in the top 20. But the study was measured by the number of accessible taxis per capita. So, I suppose really, if I鈥檓 honest, comparing those two stories is like comparing apples and oranges, but I just wanted to. It鈥檚 probably pointless.聽

NIKKI- I love Liverpool so I鈥檓 quite happy about that. And also Eurovision this year, that kind of bodes well. And I actually went and did some filming in Liverpool, I had to stay there for a while when I was doing this series with Greg Wallace, and I remember not having any trouble getting a taxi.聽

EMMA- Really?

NIKKI- And I do struggle in London.聽

EMMA- You do.聽

NIKKI- No trouble at all in Liverpool.聽

EMMA- You鈥檝e got endless, endless stories of taxi waits and cold nights in the streets of London waiting for taxis. Go Liverpool! And to end, Nikki, have you heard about this new reality show on Channel 4 where celebrities have to live without light for two whole weeks?

NIKKI- I do know the show that you鈥檙e on about, Emma. And you鈥檙e going to tell me about someone that has been picked for the show, and it鈥檚 brilliant and hilarious. Tell the listeners.聽

EMMA- So, you鈥檝e got Chris Eubank, right, you鈥檝e got Paul Gascoigne, you鈥檝e got Scarlett Moffatt, all fully-sighted, and then you鈥檝e got fellow blindy and friend of the show, Chris McCausland. Do you think he might have a teeny-weeny, tiny-winy advantage?

NIKKI- I thought when I read it, well surely Chris is the host of the programme.聽

EMMA- No, that鈥檚 Danny Dyer.聽

NIKKI- I thought he was the host. Then I was wracking my brains and I鈥檓 like, but he鈥檚 blind, but he can鈥檛 see, and he鈥檚 probably in a lot of dark a lot of the time, and I don鈥檛 understand it.聽

EMMA- Being able to move around without seeing anything has to, has to, has to put you at an advantage. So, they鈥檙e going to film the celebrities with infrared cameras. I think they鈥檝e already done it because there鈥檚 a trailer already. And they鈥檙e stumbling around this warehouse and they鈥檙e performing tasks and challenges. And I鈥檓 pretty sure there鈥檚 been snakes involved. Apparently there鈥檚 a picture of Paul Gascoigne walking into a cupboard door. No offence, Chris, I mean I think you鈥檙e brilliant, but I hope someone else wins just for the craic.聽

NIKKI- Yeah, I agree with you. You kind of want it to be Eubank or Gazza or Scarlet, don鈥檛 you?聽

EMMA- Yeah, well Gazza was interviewed about it the other day and he said it had helped him conquer a lot of his fears and stuff, so maybe it鈥檚 been really good for some of them.聽

NIKKI- Hmm.聽

EMMA- Hmm.

NIKKI- Lovely, lovely. Well, we鈥檒l watch that, Ems.

EMMA- Got to tune in.聽

NIKKI- [Singing] got to tune in. Our next guest is a bit of a new one for me; ladies and gentleman, we are talking to Fergus Flanagan. Now, Fergus is a magician, and he鈥檚 not just any magician, who knew? He鈥檚 a Bafta award winning magician, part of the Magic Circle, which I can鈥檛 tell you how excited I am. For me, Fergus, that鈥檚 a bit like the Avengers but for magic. It鈥檚 so exciting. And you鈥檙e also holder of the Virtual Magician of the Year. Thank you so much for coming in.聽

FERGUS- My absolute pleasure. It all goes downhill from here. 聽

NIKKI- No, it doesn鈥檛.聽

FERGUS- The intro鈥檚 the best bit about me.聽

NIKKI- Did you like it?聽

FERGUS- It was great.

NIKKI- I mean, I could go on because you鈥檝e got tons to your name. I mean, we couldn鈥檛 write it; we鈥檇 be here all day. Now, let鈥檚 start with the fact that I hear you are a mind reader and you鈥檙e going to read my mind later, aren鈥檛 you?聽

FERGUS- Well, I鈥檓 going to try certainly, yeah. I think before we go any further if I can get you to think of a word in your head.

NIKKI- Right okay.聽

FERGUS- Now, of course this could be any word that you like. Do you have something?聽

NIKKI- Yes.

FERGUS- Good. So, I just want you to hold that in your head and through the course of my time on the show I鈥檓 going to hopefully, maybe not get exactly what that is, but get close to what that word is. So, try not to give anything away, your very best poker face, but during the course of my time here I will hopefully get some resemblance of that word.聽

NIKKI- Let鈥檚 start from the beginning. When did you first decide that you wanted to be a magician?

FERGUS- So, when I was about ten years old my friend Jeremy, who lived on my road, showed me a coin trick. It was a very simple coin trick where he made it look like he was sort of vanishing an object.聽

NIKKI- Ah! Oh my goodness, Fergus, this is mind-blowing. Oh my goodness. So, Emma, Fergus just got his AirPods out and he put one in his hand and it just disappeared.聽

EMMA- I don鈥檛 believe you.聽

FERGUS- Not the best for radio that.聽

NIKKI- I know, but he actually did do that.聽

EMMA- It鈥檚 a trick, isn鈥檛 it, a trick of the hand or something?聽

NIKKI- How did you do that?

FERGUS- Well, that鈥檚 exactly it, Emma. I was so astonished as soon as I saw the trick. And then I found that it was this very mechanical process that had made the coin in this instance vanish. And I think the sort of synergy of feeling that amazement and then realising it was something so mechanical that made you feel that way was hugely appealing. I wasn鈥檛 quite that pretentious at ten years old, but I think somewhere in my subconscious that was the appeal.聽

NIKKI- Where did that AirPod go?聽

FERGUS- Back in the case.聽

NIKKI- No! It isn鈥檛 back in the case? No, it鈥檚 back in the case! Oh my goodness! You see, I love this. This is the best recording day ever.聽

EMMA- So, you鈥檝e got OCD, don鈥檛 you? How has that kind of fed into being a magician, and how does that show up for in general?聽

FERGUS- When I鈥檓 actually performing that鈥檚 when I find I tend to be out of my head. But it鈥檚 the interim, it鈥檚 all the stuff in between where you stop practising. Or writing days are hard. Or getting out of bed is hard. I鈥檓 a lot better now. Of course that sort of recovery never stops and I accept that now. But there were periods in my life where I just was never fulfilling potential, I was not focused, I was not motivated. And really I look back on that Fergus with empathy because I think well, it was out of my control really, I didn鈥檛 really have a choice. Going out too much, drinking too much, smoking too much, all of those things 鈥� none of which I do now. Sorry, that鈥檚 a very longwinded answer, Emma.聽

NIKKI- No, it鈥檚 not.聽

EMMA- No, it鈥檚 okay. I actually still want to know though, sometimes we hear OCD is about cleaning a lot or sometimes it鈥檚 about intrusive thoughts. What is it for you?

FERGUS- Obviously the thing you鈥檒l see on TVs and films is someone cleaning or someone flicking a light switch, that鈥檚 how it鈥檚 often depicted in the media. For me it鈥檚 pure O essentially, so it鈥檚 all mental dexterity and mental sort of loopholes to jump through. The very first earliest memory of my OCD was worrying that if I saw a physically disabled person that I would punch them. So, that was kind of my first intrusive thought. Very often people get this with heights, so they get something very high and they feel they鈥檙e going to throw themselves off, and they get worried they鈥檙e going to do that, or throw themselves in front of a train. It's the polar opposite of what they want to do. And of course the very last thing that I wanted to do was hit someone that I perceived at the time as vulnerable, and that鈥檚 where the angst came from. This is like ten years old. And of course I was so frozen by that that I started to develop the behaviour to cope with that; and that was pulling the thought back to my head. And that pulling the thought back to my head became doing that a certain amount of times at different heights, at different times of the day, all day, every day. And then that reduced down because friends would say, 鈥榃hy are you doing that? That鈥檚 really weird鈥�. So, then I would just imagine pulling the thought back and imagined that.聽

EMMA- Oh, so you were physically doing it with your hands?

FERGUS- I was physically doing that. And I think through school and socialising my OCD transitioned basically to an entirely, it sometimes has physical manifestations, but really it鈥檚 pretty within my own head. So, I can be interacting, I can be completely normal, I can go out and perform to 500 people, but it will feel like I鈥檓 having a cigarette put out on me because I鈥檝e got something that I need to deal with. But I鈥檝e just learnt to compartmentalise a little bit.聽

NIKKI- I mean, you鈥檝e done so well from having to cope with all of that and, I can鈥檛 imagine, that must have been so difficult for you. But now look at you, I mean you won a Bafta. Tell us about the Bafta.

FERGUS- So, I was very fortunate. My last year of university didn鈥檛 know what I was going to do, where I was going to go, and an audition came up with Objective Productions, an amazing guy called Anthony Owen, and two weeks after I left university I started filming that. And the show was called Help, My Supply Teacher is Magic, not a good hashtag. Essentially we would go into schools, I鈥檇 pretend to be a supply teacher, hidden cameras everywhere, I鈥檇 do magic and the kids would go wild.聽

NIKKI- Oh, I love that. And what was it like getting that Bafta? Do you feel proud of what you鈥檝e achieved?

FERGUS- I think so, yeah, at times I definitely do. Some days with my mental health I go [frustrated voice] this is the same as it was ten years ago, I鈥檝e not made any progress or any change. And then a good friend of mine, Jack, often goes, 鈥楩ergus, look at three years ago, and look at the changes you鈥檝e made鈥�. So, I think having an objective party to validate change is a really important thing.聽

NIKKI- And also you鈥檙e in an industry that鈥檚 tough anyway. I mean, it鈥檚 tough, isn鈥檛 it?

FERGUS- Yeah.

NIKKI- And actually you do have to be a little bit kind on yourself and think how well I鈥檝e done. Like I said, I couldn鈥檛 list all your credits in the opening of that, so you鈥檝e done so well.聽

FERGUS- I鈥檓 coming on every day.聽

NIKKI- Please do.聽

EMMA- Can I list one of your credits?

FERGUS- Please.聽

NIKKI- Yeah, go on, Ems.

EMMA- You鈥檙e a really, really successful virtual magician online. How does that work? And do you still do that now that COVID is not as prominent in the news anymore?聽

FERGUS- Yeah, still performing corporates for virtual shows. It started off at the start of the pandemic, I won鈥檛 labour on about my theatre show or the things that were planned for that year, but like so many performers, so many of us the whole year was cancelled very quickly. And I spent a couple of weeks moping around my flat in my pants, and then very quickly decided to try out the virtual medium over Zoom. And it transitioned from my phone balanced on a load of books to a fully-fledged studio three months later, with three cameras, lights, studio switches, everything. So, that December 2020 I think I had 81 events in three weeks.聽

NIKKI- Wow.

FERGUS- For Google, Microsoft, Deloitte, KPMG, TikTok, the lot. So, it was pretty wild to be fair.聽

NIKKI- Okay, well we鈥檙e going to wrap this up in a second, but I know you鈥檝e been reading my mind throughout this interview, haven鈥檛 you, Fergus?

FERGUS- Well, I鈥檝e been trying to pick up on some things. Obviously you have a word.聽

NIKKI- Yes, I鈥檝e got it in my head. Is there anything you want me to do?聽

FERGUS- No. Could you just think of a letter 鈥� don鈥檛 say it out loud 鈥� but just think of a letter somewhere in the middle, just in your head. Do you have one?

NIKKI- Just in my head of the word?聽

FERGUS- Of the word.聽

NIKKI- Yeah okay, got it.聽

FERGUS- Is it an e?

NIKKI- Oh my goodness, I can鈥檛鈥es, it was an e.

FERGUS- Just focus on the first letter for me, just the first letter.聽

NIKKI- Yeah.

FERGUS- Is it a t?

NIKKI- I can鈥檛, yeah, I can鈥檛 cope. Yeah.聽

FERGUS- I want you to imagine, you say, 鈥楩ergus the word I鈥檓 thinking of in my head is鈥︹�� and then it鈥檚 right there on the tip of your tongue, you almost want to say it but you won鈥檛, you just keep repeating it in your head, just in your head.聽

NIKKI- Oh, in my head, okay fine, yeah.聽

FERGUS- Exactly. And you just keep saying it over and over. Teeth? Is it teeth?

NIKKI- Oh my goodness. Fergus, yes, it鈥檚 teeth! And you know why I thought of teeth? Because Fergus has got amazing teeth. 聽

EMMA- Well, you are obsessed with people鈥檚 teeth.聽

NIKKI- I know.聽

EMMA- Are they magic teeth?

NIKKI- No, they鈥檙e beautiful, they鈥檙e absolutely beautiful teeth. Oh my goodness, Fergus!

FERGUS- Girls, thank you so much for having me on.聽

NIKKI- Emma, that is incredible. He鈥檚 got to do one on you.聽

EMMA- Oh, I鈥檓 really cynical. It would never work. Well, let鈥檚 see. Come back.聽

NIKKI- Emma, he just plucked a word from my brain.聽

EMMA- I know. Right, next time can you do me please? 聽

NIKKI- I love that so much.聽

EMMA- Thanks for a wonderful conversation.聽

FERGUS- Thank you both so much.聽

NIKKI- Thank you, Fergus.聽

EMMA- Bye.

NIKKI- Well, honestly, mind-blowing.聽

EMMA- You just couldn鈥檛 even listen to him; you were just looking at his hands doing his tricks.聽

NIKKI- I don鈥檛 know how he did that little AirPod thing. And how, how did he get into my head like that? Listen, while we鈥檙e in the spirit of magique, right, think of a word Ems, and I鈥檓 going to jump into your head.

EMMA- Got one.

NIKKI- You鈥檝e got one?

EMMA- Yeah.

NIKKI- Okay, here we go. Knowing you it鈥檚 bound to be disability related, so I鈥檓 saying scooter.聽

EMMA- Very close. Slippers.聽

NIKKI- How on earth is that close? [Laughter] You can listen to us on your smart speaker 鈥� moving on 鈥� by saying, 鈥楢sk the 91福利社 for Access All鈥� and it鈥檒l play the very latest edition.聽

EMMA- Or you can leave us a voice note or a text to our WhatsApp number which is 0330 123 9480.

NIKKI- And you can google Access All transcript and you鈥檒l find one for every programme we鈥檝e ever done. Now, until next time, alakazam, poof.聽

EMMA- We鈥檙e gone.聽

[Trailer for Newscast]

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PRESENTER- And we talk to the best 91福利社 journalists, asking the most important questions:聽

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CLIP- And I was like, go on Kate, put some more welly into it!

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